Friday, September 30, 2005

Life's Sudden Shock

About August 29, 2005, I was diagnosed with DCIS breast cancer! It was quite a shock! I've decided to use this blog partly for my own processing of my experience and partly so that others can benefit, possibly, from my experience. I know it certainly has helped me to read or talk with other women who have shared their experiences of breast cancer with me.

Fortunately for me, the cancer was caught in a very early stage, Stage 0. That means it's less that 2 cm in size. Well, it turns out, several tests later that there are three "sites" of my breast cancer, they aren't really tumors at this point. In other words, they are so small, they can't be called tumors yet. That's why they are identified as Stage 0. Now, understand, I'm hardly an expert on this, I am learning daily as I stumble along through this frightening forest.

Another good thing about this DCIS cancer is that it isn't the invasive kind, so I won't die of it, assuming I take care of things fairly soon, and there is no rush. So what is so upsetting about this? Well, on September 5, 2005, I thought they didn't even do mastectomies anymore. Just goes to show you how little I knew!

Yes, they do! And that's what they are recommending I get. And since the cancer is non-invasive and is so small, I won't even need radiation or chemotherapy, anyway as of today, that's what they are saying. That would be good mostly because I could have the surgery and immediately have reconstruction of my breasts.

Sounds pretty good, huh? Well, yes and no. Yes, did you know (I surely didn't) that there are laws that require insurance companies to pay for reconstruction of the breast after a mastectomy? Basically a "boob job" paid for by the insurance company. Not bad, eh? Only trouble is--I know I'm whining--but it's blog and my breasts, so I can. When you get a reconstruction job, they don't save your nipples, usually. They replace them with a tattoo!! Hey--there is a difference between a nipple and a brown spot!! They feel much different from where I'm coming! I much prefer my genuine nipples!!

Okay, I think what's really bothering me is the uncertainty about making the "right" decision. So far, I've had two mammograms, one UltraSound on one breast and one UltraSound on both breasts, one MRI, one Mammotest (more about this later!) biopsy, and I'm soon to have another, a MRI Needle Biopsy. And they are still trying to determine how much cancer I do have and what should we do about it.

Should they do a lumpectomy and then radiation and chemotherapy? They may not get it all and the Radiology Oncologist (he's the MD that treats someone with cancer based on the radiology images, I guess. He's different than the Radiologists who are MDs who read the mammograms and MRIs). The Radiology Oncologist told me that the cancer returns in 50% of women who elect to have a lumpectomy and radiation and of those women, the cancer returns as invasive cancer 25% of the time!

That doesn't sound good at all!! First of all, I don't really want to go through radiation. My ex-mother-in-law died of the consequences of radiation. Her cancer was cured, but she was debilitated by the radiation and developed Bell's Palsy and died. I know that doesn't happen to everyone, but...I'd rather not go through all that, thankyouverymuch!

The thing that makes this so hard is also, I don't know these doctors--how do i know if they really know what they are talking about. How do I know if they are really experts, talented, exceptional surgeons, etc? Those are the only kind I want working on me.

Tomorrow morning I have an appointment with the surgeon, a lovely young asian-american woman who appears kind, thoughtful, and busy. This will be the third appointment with her. I'm going to tell her I want a second opinion. Just because I think I should get one. I need to know that more "experts" are looking at these tests and images.

More on all these tomorrow after I see the surgeon. I'm sure this will be an ongoing journal. Thanks for reading. Please feel free to share your comments.

Sunday, September 18, 2005

Experimenting with Blogger for Word

Experimenting…with Blogger for Word, a nifty new plug-in to help bloggers blog. I don’t really have much to say this afternoon, just wanted to see how easy/hard it was to use the Blogger for Word program.

AOL study reveals some surprising results about why we blog

I read an interesting short article on Les Bain's Blog site: http://blogging-information.blogspot.com/2005/09/aol-survey-says-people-blog-as-therapy.html about an AOL survey which revealed that most people blog for therapy. It also said that 6 times as many people blog for therapy as seek professional therapy.

I found that to be interesting. Since I am a professional therapist, I'm curious as to why that is. Some possibilities are that it certainly is less expensive, it's easier to get to--no appointments necessary, no waiting--one can get to the therapy right in the moment one needs it. My only question really is, is it therapy?

It is an opportunity to express oneself, no doubt. But is that therapy? I think that what is healing in therapy is the relationship between the client and the therapist. I think that healing happens when the client expresses him/herself and is listened to/witnessed by the therapist in an accepting manner.

I'm not so naive as to think that always happens even in face-to-face therapy. But I'm talking about good therapy. Not advise-giving, or passing judgement. Research indicates that what heals is not the type of therapy (cognitive-behavioral therapy, EMDR, etc.) but the relationship between the client and the therapist that matters.

I think that what this survey does show is that therapists or the therapeutic community needs to re-think new ways to offer therapy so that it is more available to more people. Any ideas? There is online therapy, see http://www.ismho.org/casestudy/myths.htm. Got any other ideas?