Education from Flies and Lizard

One of the things that we deal with out here in the desert is flies. From having a lot of them to watch and deal with, I can’t help noticing how similar they are to people in unsatisfactory relationships.

For example, they are cheerfully flying around in a large, closed in area, feeling foot-loose and fancy free (I imagine), when suddenly they get themselves in a tight spot, take, for example, a tall cylindrical candle holder. They buzz around, helplessly, beating themselves against the glass, unable to figure out that if they only would do something differently, such as fly upwards, they could be free.

Of course, I am watching them and waiting for them to figure that out, waiting with my trusty “Fly-Zapper” to get them when they do get out.
That part isn’t necessarily part of bad relationships, usually, anyway. But, in a way, it is part of life. No matter how smart, how “healthy” we approach life, none of us are going to get out of this alive.

I watched a cute little lizard come zipping into my gazebo yesterday, then he couldn’t figure out how to get out of it, even though there was a gaping space not 6" away. It took him a dozen tries to find that space before he got to freedom. I thought then, too, how that is like so many women, and men, too, in unsatisfactory relationships but unable to take effective action to get out.

Maybe I’m thinking of this because I hear so many callers to the hotline complaining either of being left by a man who has treated them badly, cheated on them, took their possessions, etc., and now they are crying because the jerk has left them. I know, I know. Grief is normal with any loss.

Another common call we get is from men and women who want to leave but who are afraid to be alone, afraid they won’t make it financially without their partner. Or afraid they will never find anyone to love them again.

How are they like the lizard and the fly? Little imagination or trust in themselves.

I probably should quit now, before I alienate everyone.