Today's The Day! The Stop Smoking Day

I'm still at my Crisis Hotline job this morning. My appointment with Gregg, the hypnotherapist is at 10 AM this morning. I have to admit I'm feeling somewhat anxious about giving up my addiction, my crutch, my pseudo friend, my time management tool, my distracter, my reward, my emotional-state changer. I know it is a "friend" who will kill me. In other words, not really a friend. But it sure masquerades as one very well! Any time I want it!!

It is my reward at the end of the day of work. When I wasn't smoking the most recent last time I quit, I would get out of work and instead of feeling happy about finishing and going home, I'd feel blah, like "what's fun about life, anyway?" That was scary!! Especially since I love my partner very much and love being with him and certainly look forward to being with him!

This morning, I'm thinking about that feeling of blah without cigarettes. They aren't just my reward, they are part of my shtick. It's a way of being naughty, a bad girl. That is a problem for me--what will I use to be a bad girl without smoking? I don't drink much, certainly don't use street drugs. One of the problems with getting older is your body begins to reap the consequences of being a naughty girl. It gets harder and harder to pretend that one can do naughty things and not have to pay the price!

I hope this hypnotherapist is good!! I'll let you know tomorrow. See ya! Hey, write me!