Searching for your purpose in life?

Having a purpose in life is one of the most important things us humans need after food, shelter, safety. But of course, no one teaches us how to think about that much less go about finding and knowing our purpose--well, many self-help books and organized religion do. So it's not like there's not a need for guidance in this area.

What happens, I think, is that we unconsciously gravitate to something our parents chose, or what society says we should choose. For example, in hindsight, I think I had children mainly to give my life purpose and structure--society says that's what women should do, right? Now that doesn't mean I don't love my kids, of course I do, that has nothing to do with it. I simply didn't know what else to do with my life so I had children, two of them, 10 years apart. That structured my life and solved my life purpose need for 27 years!! Wow!

During those 27 years in which I was raising them, I was also growing up myself. That's kind of the way it works, I'm afraid. When I say growing up, I mean learning much more about myself, including who I was/am and my "real" purpose, or I would like to say now, my "conscious" choices of my purpose.

Some of what I learned in these years of growing up is that I don't have to have one single purpose, it can change and be refined as I grow and change myself. In my 20s and 30s, I was a jewelry designer in Houston, Texas. I have a bachelor of Fine Arts degree in Jewelry Design because I like creating beauty in the world and that's how I did it.

To tell the truth, I didn't know that when I started my Fine Arts Degree. I wanted to please my father by becoming an artist. I also loved artistically designed mental art objects, including jewelry I had seen at the Contempory Arts Museum Fine Crafts Exhibit in New York City in 1971.

Eventually, I decided creating beauty wasn't enough. I found that I had a talent for influencing people regarding intangibles, such as ideas, concepts. I learned this because I sold people jewelry before it was created and most of the time they loved it when it was actually created.

However, I decided what I really wanted to do was influence people to be happier, feel better about themselves, to help people expand their limited beliefs about themselves, etc. In other words, I decided I wanted to become a psychotherapist. What I love about being a therapist is I get to facilitate people in the process of becoming greater than they think they are. I love it!! I can see it happen right before my eyes and it is a true thrill!

Do you love what you do? Does it fit your purpose in life? What is your purpose? Has it changed as you grow? Mine sure has!

Friend with great blog!!

Hi All,
I'm back! Already so soon!

I'm taking a writing class at UCSD Extension Univerity. There, I met a wonderful woman who also has a blog, www.domesticirritation.com. Her blog is about humorous comments on the "fun" of being a mother of two young children and of being a wife and a daughter. Check it out--she is funny and insightful! Hey, give her a comment, too. We all love a response.

Sometimes writing a blog is like the sound of one hand clapping, you know?

I'm all finished with surgery!

Okay, I know it's been a loooong while since I posted. I have been taking a writing class from UCSD Extension University and wanted to do daily writings for the classes; if I wrote in the blog, it would distract me from my other writings, so I didn't do any writing, no journalling, nothing except my daily writing for class. It was great fun, and hard, too.

I did get married on March 19, 2007. My husband's mother was at the very small, sudden wedding because she was failing fast after having been diagnosed with lung cancer earlier in the month. In fact, she died a week after our wedding, so I'm glad we hurried up the wedding.

Then, April 5, 2007, I had my final reconstructive surgery done on my left breast, the mastectomized one. I hadn't been happy with the results of the reconstruction, so they did it again. Larger implant this time. I had been worried that it would be too big, but it seems just right--matches the right one just fine, at least for now. It looks like probably in a few years, the right one will need an implant to match the left one with an implant, or else it will be hanging down to my knees. Oh hum, aging isn't for the faint of heart.

But I am feeling better. My husband and I are thinking about moving to Costa Rica to retire in about 3 years. I've been reading a terrific book, Living Abroad in Costa Rica, by Erin Van Rheenen. She has a web site: http:www.livingabroadincostarica.com but I haven't checked it out yet. Since they speak Spanish in Costa Rica, I am taking Spanish lessons online from Rosetta Stone.com. Really takes a lot of time--I try to work on it daily for at least an hour. It's fun to learn something like that but unfortunately, my 62 year old brain has some trouble memorizing, so I just do it repeatedly.

So you can see that life is pretty full. More later...BTW, it's more fun to write in the blog if people make comments, so write, write, comment, comment, please.

To Wed or Not to Wed...that is the question.

I'm thinkin' about getting married in about 2.5 weeks to the man I've been living with for 5+ years. Why am I debating about this after all this time? Well, there is a significant difference between marriage and living together. It's called the C word or Commitment.

All my Mental Illnesses come up when I start to think about getting married. As a therapist once said to me, "What makes you so optimistic?" We do have fun together, considering we both have responsibility disorders. His is that he is too responsible; mine is not responsible enough, sort of. Of course, you can see why we fit together so well.

We like each other a lot, in addition to loving each other. We share values about relationships, people, kids, and money. We have mostly worked those things out over the past 5 years. We resolve issues between us very well. I tell him "I'm having a problem about something." We sit down ASAP and I have his full attention. I love that about him!! I seldom get angry at him anymore because I know I don't need to. He is responsive! What a lovely thing in a man!

So what's the problem? you probably are thinkin'.

He is a devoted father to his 15.5 year old son who lives with us. He is a devoted son to his 85 year old mother recently diagnosed with inoperable lung cancer. He is an only child. He is also a financial consultant, which means he works hard and long but inconsistently. He earns lots of money when working, but sometimes he can go 6 months without a job, then he gets a job and earns $1000 a day for 12 days out of town. I feel like I get lost in the shuffle of all these responsibilities.

Suggestions? Thoughts? Ideas?

Struggling with life...fortunately!

Okay, I decided to write again. Last post was November 17, 2006. I notice I am ready to write again for a couple of reasons. No one has responded with comments and that is disappointing. However, I decided to write this for myself because I like to be able to read this much later and remember how I was feeling.

When I look back over my posts, I had forgotten that I had even written them, so that was great--to be able to read what I was thinking and feeling at the time.

Now what's going on with me? April 6, 2007, I am going back under the knife, so to speak. I'm having my left breast reconstructed again. I don't like the way it looks, looks like a speed bump with a scar. That is not satisfactory!!

I am worrying that I still won't like it. We (the surgeon and I) have chosen a larger implant. I'm worrying that maybe it will be too big and look funny compared to the right breast, which looks fine. I like my surgeon, but I'm not sure I have a lot of confidence in him at the moment. However, in talking with other people who have had reconstructive breast surgery, none are all that pleased. I did see some pics up on a web site for the plastic surgeons that looked pretty good, but maybe they were made to look good with PhotoShop. Also the plastic surgeons were in some other state, so that lets them out of the question.

I guess what this shows me is that I prefer to go with what I know rather than changing to the unknown. Maybe I would have chosen a different plastic surgeon if I had heard first hand of a good one.

Another thing that's going on for me is that I am getting married just before my surgery, March 30, 2007. We have been living together for 5+ years happily, so you wouldn't think getting married would be any big deal. It is and it isn't. It seems to be that it's a more serious decision than just to live together. More on that later.

I'd love to get your opinions, suggestions, thoughts, judgements...

Thinkin' about bloggin'

Thinkin' about bloggin'

It's never too late to continue one's blog, apparently. I decided to come back and write more mostly because I find it so interesting to read it later, even if no one comments.

One thing I have to admit is that I did start smoking again--shame, shame. I am truly an addict, that's all I can admit. More about that later. We are talking about quitting again. I'm ashamed to admit I don't have much confidence in either Jack or myself staying quit. But I guess 'tis better to quit and loose than never to have quit at all. Ha!

Since it is November 17, 2006, it is the anniversary of my breast cancer surgery. Actually, I guess that's not exactly true. I've got to go back and figure out when the surgeries were done. Anyway, my breasts are feeling pretty pain free, but I'm not happy with the way the left one upon which they did the mastectomy looks. The right one looks great and feels good and there is good feeling in the nipple.

It seems to me the left one is too deflated-looking. No nipple there yet. I went back to my plastic surgeon a couple of months ago and he said he could do another surgery, paid for by the insurance. I think he should have put in a heftier implant. At that appointment, he said we would set up another appointment in November and see how things have settled out.

By that time he was out on medical leave of absense. Instead, I saw another plastic surgeon whom I had used about 3 years ago for a tummy tuck. He thinks the implant may have turned slightly so that the part that hangs down isn't hanging down anymore. And he thinks it should be a larger implant. He doesn't do implants anymore, so I'm going to have a consultation with another plastic surgeon around the end of the month. By that time Dr. Schneider may be back at his practice.

After having talked with a few breast cancer survivors who have gone through restoration surgery, I haven't found anyone who is that happy with the results or with their surgeon. I'm going to keep looking.

Back at last...

I've decided to come back and write some more posts. I was off line for a couple of weeks because I moved and wasn't working. I had surgery, my last one, hopefully, probably, on the reconstruction of my left breast from the breast cancer mastectomy last August. This was the easiest surgery so far.

The worst part was the drainage pipe left in after surgery. The surgery was July 12, 06, and the doctor removed the drain pipe a week later. I was shocked to see how long the pipe is, about 10 inches! And they just yank it out!! I've had one after each surgery, but somehow, I'd never asked to see it after it was out. Surprisingly, it's not usually very painful when they yank it out, although this time, it was a bit. Anyway, I yelled. Of course, Jack, my partner, says I have a pain level of 1. In other words, when my pain level gets to 1, I need to deal with it. Anyway, it's out!! And my quality of life improved significantly.

I promise to be back soon, this time. Even if people don't comment, I'm still going to keep bloggin'. See ya!